I wanted kids. My kids, her kids, our children. Grandchildren. I wanted out children to have grandchildren. A rosy future with the money to make life ...onderful. A new beginning for the house. Jess would make my house our home.Across the bridge, late in the evening ... someday someone is going to pave Main. Splishing and splashing up to the hotel and ... well, Son Of a Bitch ... the lights are on at home!Our home is lit up like Christmas. I heard the Hotel front door slam and I could see John. "Water or coffee?" Water please."I watched him make my breakfast: four slices of frozen bread thawed in the microwave and four slices of cheese to make two sandwiches, and a cup of water. The same as yesterday's lunch, and not nearly as much as I wanted. The last three meals had been about a quarter of what I would've eaten at home. I hadn't been doing anything physical, but I was pretty sure most of my energy went to power my brain's activities which hadn't reduced at all - maybe even. She had seen me and lifted her tear-stained face, the distress changing to confrontation. I spoke before she could."It doesn't get any easier, does it?" What does?" She was perplexed."The unhappiness, the sorrow, the feeling of failure." You know it?" Yes." I replied. "I know it all too well." She examined my face, trying to decide if I was telling the truth or not."How would you know?" She had obviously decided. "Men cause the problem, they don't feel anything. You are all totally unfeeling.". Later that night Collin sat talking to Rav about letting Revanche start learning how to take over the business end of the family affairs, he also pointed out it would keep him busy and out of everyone's scales. Rav laughed replying that anything that would accomplish that would be worth it. With a thoughtful look Collin made the suggestion that they send Revanche to London to have their man of business there teach him what he needed to know, then when Jacquilt returned he could pick up the.
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