And...“Um ... Allie? Are you having another emergency?”“Sort of, but different,” she answered. She was serious. “Am I pretty enough, Tony?�...“God, yes! How could you ever doubt that?” I asked. I started to get up to go to her, but she held up her hand to keep me away.“Would you draw me, Tony?” she asked softly. “Really draw me? Not just a little sketch? Not a group? Just me?”This was more than a request for a picture. I recognized it. Thank god, I recognized it. Allie understood what happens when. “Woah there! Your hair still stinks of puke. Do you want to bathe or not? Make your fucking mind up!”She emptied the bag on the ground and picked up the bath towel. Glaring at me, she wrapped it round her and pulled off the sweats. Stepping into the water, she carefully lifted the towel so it didn’t get wet, then, reaching behind so all I saw was her back, she placed the towel on the edge of the bank, where she could reach it from the water. She’d done it well; I’d hardly seen anything of her. I know what it is to be pushed past the point of giving up. A place where you pray to die and mean it. I have been humbled and humiliated. It’s horrible.While it has wreaked havoc in my life I did manage to see some good and learn a few things. It is easier for me to be around disabled people now, especially those who are autistic because we are more similar than not. Simple pleasures are very important. When your mind is cotton or a piece of taffy somebody is pulling it’s hard to focus on a. I decided to see if the same would happen if I touched my butthole. I did and it did. I looked again at myself in the mirror and saw myself standing there with both of my hands touching my most private places. I thought just for one tiny moment that it might be nice to try and get a climax standing there like that. I felt my eyes locked on my wrist as I kept playing. I said out loud talking to the woman in the mirror, ‘STOP IT!’ I listened to myself and began to strip. I decided I better hide.
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