You were gone, I was home, and we were still together. I kept a very close eye on on her after that, and I knew she hadn’t seen or been in contact w...th you since you left. She seemed happier with me than she’d been in a long time, and while I knew some of it was her trying to make it up to me, I also assumed it was because my wretched plan had somehow worked. Of course, now I know that it was all just another enormous sewer of lies. My travel never stopped, but I filed the insanity I’d allowed. “I’ve only been with one guy,” I told her, “and only once.” I wasn’t sure if she knew. She did know I had been with women. At one, anyway (though there were others). I was openly having an affair with her at the time. “I know Buck has to be a considerate and attentive lover, or you would not love him. I wonder if I might love him like that too.”“Jenifer,” she said, lifting my lips from her breast, “I don’t know. That is a very big step. For you and me to be intimate is different.”I sat back on. The final bell of Sather Tower at University of California, Berkley (UCB) had rung and she was on her way to her house she shared with longtime best friend, Kate. A few of her friends drove by in their Jeep to offer her a ride home but she refused.Home was a mile and a half away and rather than worry about the hassle of bringing a car on campus and finding a parking spot she chose to walk home. She enjoyed the walk, it gave her a chance to unwind and reflect on the day and it was very scenic.. On a scale of one to ten hardness scale, I was already well past ten. That New Year’s Eve night with Addie seemed like a long time ago.On the recording, Addie led her lover into the bedroom, both laughing and giggling, then Addie turned and kissed him, a soul-searing kiss.I watched, my body trembling, knowing what was coming, remembering being in the closet, hiding behind the two-way glass, the same closet a few feet from where I was laying, I had no idea if I’d be able to watch this through.
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