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I don’t need to suddenly standstraight up when I’m under the coffee table.8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur beforeentering the house - n...t after.9. I will not come in from outside,and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.10. I will not sit in the middle of the livingroom, and lick my crotch11. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’,so when I play with him and he makes that noise,it’s usually not a good thing.P.S. Dear God:When I get to Heaven,may I have my testicles back?Some Random. I was serious but she thought I was just trying to get into her pants and managed to hold me off for four years.”“You dated for four years before she let you?”“No, sweetheart, she married me four years later. We did manage to get together a few times before that” he said with a wistful smile. I was a little puzzled why he was showing me a picture of my mother I’d never seen before until he said “I was watching you today and every move you made, every turn of your head or smile on your lips. As she peaked her head around she saw no one. So she hurried in and out. On her way out she was meet by a mid 20's bartender at the wedding. Tall, average built white guy. "You know you're not supposed to be back here. This is for employees only!" "Oh! Sorry I didn't know! I'll go!" Before she could walk away he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bathroom. "Now I was gonna let you go! But then you lied to me!" He said. "So that deserves a punishment! I don't like lying!" Before she could. Their sex noises seeped through the ceiling. The rhythmic thudding of the headboard against the partition wall, and floorboards that groaned a protest. A muffled call and response. It was like something old and mechanical left long running in a basement and about to break out from its fixings. I suffered it for ten minutes, and then I fetched my tracksuit from the back and went to the car and drove to the all-night service area, where I drank coffee until one-thirty, which was when his text.
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