’ Lena said, sensing the anger and rage that was about to come. As calmly as possible I went to the phone, ‘Yeah… this is Jay. I won’t be in t... work today. Yeah… It’s a personal matter… Okay…’ I stood over Lena, ‘When?’ I asked. ‘Two days ago,’ she sobbed. The rage boiled inside me, two fucking days ago, when the hell would she have told me if I hadn’t practically drug it out of her. At that moment in time, I was nearly as mad at Lena as I was at Nan’s husband. What about Nan, why the fuck. .. well, I'd likely wind up dead, but I wouldn't be any deader than it looked like was in store for me anyway.But she added a bunch of refinements that I hadn't thought of. The most important one was something that had never even entered my mind, but which she figured was critical: I needed to set the stage. I'd vaguely envisioned completing everything and then walking into a police station or FBI headquarters or someplace cold and proudly presenting them with my fait accompli; but from. My mind was blank. I went straight into shower. I turned on the shower. Hot water helped soothe the tiredness. I was standing still like a statue. I saw water flow over my beautifully carved abs. Then that reminded me how i was lying naked next to my mom. I spent some time till I heard our car’s sound. My om sped away somewhere. I came out from shower and to I freaked out when I saw the time. I had been in the shower for an hour or so. I dried myself and wondered where my mom would have gone at. I don't even know why I got so angry anymore.But it was good to feel something that strong that it wiped out everything else. And I can feel now, underneath the aching throb of my hand, the washed out feeling that I usually have. It's like I remember feeling something, a long time ago, but it's gone now, and all I'm left with is a memory and an old t-shirt.Carly's saying my name. She's saying it over and over and over and touching my face, her fingers flitting against my cheek like a butterfly..
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